Black Friday Deal! $0.99 for Swapship Trooper

Black Friday only! Swapship Troopers will be $0.99. Don’t miss this deal!

A New Kind of War
A New Kind of Service

During a brutal war against monstrous, spider-like aliens, the Space Marines try to improve morale with a top-secret, gene-splicing drug that temporarily turns men into women. Marines who take the drug provide feminine companionship to the Marines who don’t. Everyone is happier.

Most troopers just blow off steam, but two Marines connect in a way that will change them forever. A young Private gets in touch with his feminine side and finds the joy in submitting to a man. A battle-hardened Lieutenant finds redemption and learns that beauty can be more than skin deep. How far will this relationship go? Can these two Marines stay together when they have to fight just to survive?

Get this book on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback!



It was a wonderful blend of action packed sci-fi battles, military operations, hot and steamy erotic scenes, humor, sass and a romance I never quite expected.

-Lilah E. Noir, Author of Unorthodox Therapy

Swapship Troopers is a story filled with lots of giant bug killing and lots of sexy times. What more could you want?

Bark’s Book Nonsense

Swapship Troopers is a smart, erotic homage to the science fiction genre, and a gender-swap story that manages to be both exciting and erotic where it needs to be, moving seamlessly between action in the field and action in the bedroom.

-Sally Bend, Bending the Bookshelf


A Pair of 5-Star Reviews for Swapship Troopers

Today I was quite pleased to find not just one, but two new reviews for Swapship Troopers.

Lilah E. Noir says

It was a wonderful blend of action packed sci-fi battles, military operations, hot and steamy erotic scenes, humor, sass and a romance I never quite expected.

and DesertGirl adds:

the action on the battlefield was as AMAZING as the action in the bedroom

These great reviews help make up for the fact that the first two reviews I got on Swapship seem to have disappeared.

Review: Social Science Fiction

There you have it, folks! Heinlein would have loved Swapship Troopers. No better endorsement than that.

The story follows what the original book intended and the movie totally missed. The characters and political situations fit the story line. Without giving anything away, RAH would have loved this as a side trip into the Bug War.

Check out the Review on Amazon.


Celebrate #EarthDay With an #erotic #romance by @Patient_Lee

Erotica author Patient Lee is bringing her unique blend of well-developed, relatable characters and steamy romance to Earth Day 2017. And even better, for each copy sold on Earth Day, Patient Lee will plant one milkweed plant as part of her effort to help monarch butterflies. Enjoy a sweet, sexy romance and help the environment at the same time! Check out Milkweed & Gossamer on Amazon.

Jaime just turned eighteen, and she’s so passionate about saving the monarch butterflies, people call her Milkweed. Josh Gossamer is four years older than Milkweed, but they fall for each other while delivering milkweed plants and working in the butterfly house. Milkweed’s family does everything possible to keep them apart, fearing that Josh will talk her into giving up her virginity and then leave her forever at the end of the summer.

But there’s something her family doesn’t know about her brother, Scott, and he’ll do anything to protect his secret, even lie about Milkweed.

The monarch butterfly population in the United States is in trouble. People can help by planting milkweed to give the butterflies a place to lay their eggs and the caterpillars the food they need to survive. This Earth Day story will teach readers about the plight of the butterflies in a sweet, sexy erotic romance.

Will the first time be the last time, or will Milkweed and Gossamer find a way to be together when he leaves for grad school? Find out on Earth Day.


How About Word Count?

It’s ironic that in this modern information age, sites like Amazon still list a “page count” on Kindle e-books. Given the range of devices and font options for e-books, the size of a page is entirely arbitrary. I might need 300 page flips to read a novel on my old Kindle when someone with higher resolution and better eyes could do it in 100. That makes it a pretty poor unit of measurement. It’s like — just as a wild example — using a person’s actual foot to measure distance. We stopped doing that hundreds of years ago, and for good reason.

Page count is obviously meant to help print readers relate, but the fact is even in the print world page count is sketchy. Font size, margins, line spacing, all these things can cause page count for the “same” novel to vary widely. If you’ve ever read a Science Fiction Book Club edition, you know that it’s possible to cram a whole lot of words onto a page.

Even the folks who compiled the Christian Bible knew pages couldn’t be depended upon. They numbered chapters and verses — the actual content — rather than tracking the medium that the content was printed on. That’s why to this day, virtue signalling Jesus fans plaster “John 3:16” all over the place and not “Page 900.”


For my money, the best way to measure a book is with words. Word count describes the length of a book, regardless of how it is presented. A Kindle e-book, a mass-market paperback, a trade hardcover, a large print edition, all have the same number of words.

Of course, readers aren’t as familiar with word count, but it’s been used behind the scenes in the publishing industry forever. NaNoWriMo uses word count to decide when you’ve written a novel: 50,000 or more. The SFWA Nebula awards say a novel is 40,000 words (a novella is 17,500 to 40,000 words, a novelette is 7500 to 17,500, and a short story is under 7500). They don’t use page count. They use words. It’s a proven concept.

So I would encourage anyone who finds themselves in a position to report the length of a book to go ahead and tell people something meaningful. Tell them how many words are in it.

Les Miserables 655,000 words
Atlas Shrugged 645,000 words
War and Peace 587,000 words
The Lord of the Rings 481,000 words
Shogun 429,000 words
Lonesome Dove 365,700 words
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix 257,100 words
Dune 201,000 words
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 198,200 words
Catch-22 174,000 words
Fifty Shades of Grey 155,000 words
Last of the Mohicans 145,500 words
To Kill A Mockingbird 100,400 words
Hunger Games 99,750 words
Nineteen Eighty-Four 88,900 words
Neuromancer 79,000 words
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone 77,000 words
Catcher in the Rye 73,400 words
Brave New World 63,700 words
Lord of the Flies 59,900 words
Fahrenheit 451 47,000 words
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe 36,300 words*
Animal Farm 30,000 words
Of Mice and Men 29,160 words


*Note that my book, The Lesbian, the Bitch, and the Bathrobe has 40,000 words. It’s clearly a much better bargain.

Inspiration: Dora’s Box

Today I’m going to unbox the novel Dora’s Box. Spoiler alert! This article will give away some of the plot twists, so you might want to read the book first. Think about it. Now would be a good time.

The seed of Dora’s Box was planted by a strip from the brilliantly perverse web comic Oglaf. In this comic some guy is cursed to be the “best in the world at blowjobs.” He’s apparently a typical homophobic male who never sucked cock before. Now he’s suddenly the “very very beeeessssstttt” at it and is too embarrassed to tell his friends.

The idea of a person being granted sexual prowess that they don’t actually want was intriguing to me. It seemed like a great avenue to explore the importance of keeping an open mind about sexuality. What better way to expand a person’s horizons than to give them the gift of magical sex awesomeness? What they initially see as a curse gradually becomes a great gift.

Then I thought of one of my favorite conventions in erotica: the futanari. Futanari is a Japanese word for hermaphrodite, but it has come to mean a fictional character with overall feminine appearance and masculine sex organs (sometimes with female sex organs as well, sometimes not). There are lots of anime and manga and other erotica about futanari and it’s always pretty hot.

A reluctant futanari seemed like an awesome story idea. A young woman suddenly getting a penis would definitely feel like she had been cursed. It wasn’t hard to imagine ways to change her mind about that, too. She would slowly be introduced into a whole new world of sexuality and as a result become more comfortable and confident in her own skin.

How does she get this dick in the first place? In the comic, the fellatio supremis curse was selected by some creepy spirit. What I wanted, however, was a tragic hero who unknowingly sets in motion the wheels of her own downfall (but not really downfall as much as orgy). Basically I was looking for an irony beat-down, like the horror story “The Monkey’s Paw” by W. W. Jacobs.

Except instead of wishes coming true in the most awful way imaginable, I wanted wishes coming true in the sexiest way. I considered various wish making mechanisms (like a genie in a bottle or a primate appendage), but finally settled on a box that you whisper wishes into and then they come true. A box like that could be used accidentally. It also answers the question of “Why not just unwish the penis first thing?” by refusing to open for some refactory period after a wish. Even better, the word “box” is slang for vagina.

The wish box also suggested a title. Remember the myth of Pandora’s Box from the ancient Greeks? Talk about unexpected consequences! Pandora just wanted to see what was inside and wound up releasing all evil into the world. Bummer. Of course, I couldn’t name my main character Pandora — that would just be weird — so I shortened it to Dora.

It was shaping up as a real “Watch what you wish for” cautionary tale. I imagined a whole series of poorly worded wishes that would be interpreted in ways very different from what Dora intended. Far from being out to get her, however, the wishes would gradually move her into the arms of her true love — much to her own surprise.

Speaking of love, I originally intended to have Dora end up with a bisexual guy who enjoyed bottoming. As I wrote the early chapters, however, I felt more of a connection between Dora and her roommate Julia and decided to explore that further instead. That can happen in my writing. I start with a rough outline to give some idea where I’m going, but I’m always open to new destinations if I come to a promising fork in the road.*

Check this one out on Amazon Kindle!

*that’s my lesson on writing** for the day

**it’s not a bad lesson on life either

Excerpt: Amanda Opens Up to Her Brother [NSFW]

The following is an excerpt from my story Amanda Baker Shakes Her Moneymaker. This piece contains explicit sexual content. Be warned! As this scene opens, Amanda and her step-brother Bryce have just had sweaty, wild sex after Amanda danced naked at Bryce’s bachelor party. But they aren’t done yet…

“That was great,” he panted. “You are great.”

“Actually, I am very bad,” she purred and snuggled up next to Bryce’s broad, strong body.
She was bad! She had fucked her own step-brother on the night before his wedding. That was downright evil! But she didn’t regret it in the least. It was one of the most exciting things she had ever done.

Yet, she felt like something was missing. It was a feeling she often had after sex. She found herself wishing the sex could be a little rougher, a little more aggressive. She yearned for a smack on her ass or a yank on her hair – something sexy and just a little scary. She never mentioned this to any of her lovers, though. She had never been with anyone she trusted that much. What if they took things too far? What if they thought she was perverted and weird? None of those were responses Amanda was ready to deal with.

“You are a bad girl,” Bryce agreed, pulling Amanda out of her train of thought. “I wish I
had known that years ago.”

Amanda just smiled. It was news to her as well! The night had been full of surprises for her. She shaved her pubic hair. She wore sexy, kinky lingerie. She danced naked in a room full of strangers. She seduced a gorgeous, desirable man. None of those were things she could have imagined herself doing just the day before. More than that, she could never have imagined how much she thoroughly enjoyed doing them.

She had shown Bryce a side of herself that she hadn’t even acknowledged before. And he
wasn’t rejecting her, he wasn’t judging her. And why would he? They had stepped out of line together. She seduced her step-brother, but he had fucked his little sister. Maybe Bryce was the one who could give her the things she was afraid to ask for. What was there to be afraid of? He couldn’t possibly think she was more perverted than he already did – not after tonight.

“Maybe you should punish me,” she suggested softly.

“Are you kidding? I’m thrilled with…”

“No, I mean,” she interrupted. She rubbed her shapely thighs against him. “I mean, you
should punish me. Because I’ve been soooo bad.”

“Oh,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “What should we do with such a naughty girl?”

“I think I need to be spanked,” she breathed.

“Yes, you do,” he agreed. Bryce sat up quickly and slid to the end of the bed. “Come here,”
he commanded.

Amanda’s heart raced at his harsh tone. She felt a sharp, exhilarating stab of fear in the back of her mind, but also a sense of profound peace. Bryce would take care of her – she was in good hands. She crawled across the bed and lay over her step-brother’s lap.

“If it gets to be too much,” he whispered under his breath like a kid telling secrets in the
back of class, “just say ‘time out’ okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed. He gently caressed her bare ass. He squeezed her soft, yielding flesh
from her shapely thighs up to the dip of her narrow waist. She was starting to think he had changed his mind when suddenly the warm hand disappeared. He brought it back down onto the rounded part of her ass with a loud smack.

“Ooo,” she exclaimed in shock. He wasn’t playing with her! That really hurt! His palm
slapped against her round rump again. Her soft skin burned with the heat of his strikes. But she felt something else as well – a different heat down in her middle. She was getting turned on! Her kinky spanking fantasy was finally coming true and her body loved it.

“This is for,” he told her sternly then delivered another slap to her ass, “forgetting the stripper.” Slap. Slap. The pain was delicious. Bryce seemed to know just how hard to strike her –hard enough to get her attention, but not hard enough to really hurt. Had he done this before?

“I’m so sorry,” she insisted. Amanda tried to sound sincere – she truly did regret nearly
ruining the bachelor party. She couldn’t hide, however, how aroused she was becoming. Her voice was ragged and breathy, betraying the fact that her “punishment” was actually getting her off like crazy.

“And this,” Bryce continued. He delivered an open-handed smack to Amanda’s other cheek. “Is for teasing all those men with your hot, little body.”

“But they liked it,” she whined between strikes.

“That isn’t why you did it,” Bryce countered. Smack. Smack.

“I did it for you!” she insisted. “So you would have the … ouch! … have the party you

“That isn’t why either,” Bryce growled. He struck her again – harder this time. “Why did
you do it? Say it!”

“I did it because …” she began. She intended to say she did the dance for Bryce – to save his bachelor party – but stopped herself. She said that already. He did not like that answer. But why else would she dance naked for a bunch of strangers? Then she understood.

“I liked it,” she purred. “I liked turning on those men. I like being naughty.”

“I can see that,” Bryce chuckled.

Read the rest on Amazon Kindle!



Excerpt: Paige Inquires

This is a short excerpt from my story Terminal Case. As this scene opens, Paige is finishing up a radiation treatment. She decides this is an opportunity to question her sister-in-law Margaret about the troubles she has seen between Margaret and her husband, Paige’s step-brother, Paul.


That afternoon when Paige stumbled out of her daily radiation treatment feeling like a reanimated corpse, the young nurse from the day before helped guide her out to the waiting room.

“The woman who isn’t your girlfriend has a surprise for you,” the nurse said with a sweet smile.

“Great,” Paige croaked. She was too exhausted to compose a witty retort. She hoped the sarcastic tone came through. In the waiting room, Margaret was proudly standing behind a chrome and black wheelchair.

“Oh, Paige you poor thing,” Margaret patted the seat. “Come along, dear, and we’ll get you home.”

“Fuck,” Paige mumbled. She fully intended to tell Margaret where to stick her wheelchair. Paige was not an invalid! She didn’t need to be wheeled around. She didn’t get a chance to say that, however, because the room seemed to be expanding and contracting like it was painted on the inside of a balloon with Paige trapped in the middle. Instead she collapsed into the waiting wheelchair and tried to tuck her pounding head under her arm. “Fuck,” she mumbled again.

Margaret wheeled Paige out of the clinic and into the street. Paige felt ridiculous being wheeled down the sidewalk, but she had to admit it was a lot easier than walking. Especially since she could close her eyes against the knives of sunlight stabbing into her aching head.

“Margaret,” Paige said reluctantly.

“Yes, dear?”

“Thanks for the chair.”

“Oh, you’re welcome,” Margaret cooed. She smoothed a rebellious strand of Paige’s short hair and went on pushing the wheelchair. “It’s such a long walk for you, you know.”

“Why is Paul sleeping in the guest room?” Paige blurted. “He says it’s because of snoring, but I know that’s bullshit.”

“Oh! What? Oh, well … ummm … did he say that? It’s just that … you know … ummm.”

“Shit, Margaret,” Paige insisted with an exaggerated wheeze. She wasn’t above playing the Terminal Illness Card. “You can trust me.”

“Oh, I know, I know. It’s because, well,” Margaret leaned over the back of the wheelchair to whisper in Paige’s ear, “it’s because of sex.”

“Paul is having an affair?” Paige was incredulous. She didn’t think her brother could even spell extramarital.

“Oh, no. No,” Margaret shook her head. “Paul would never do that.”

“Well, what then?” Paige insisted. Margaret was clearly uncomfortable with the subject, which made Paige all the more interested.

“Paul has these episodes, you see,” Margaret said quietly. “Like sleepwalking. Except instead of walking, he … you know … does other things.”

“Sex?” Paige asked. “He has sex in his sleep? With you?”

“Yes,” Margaret admitted with a tortured sigh.

“Well, that’s not so bad,” Paige blurted.

“No, it’s terrible! He’s not himself. He’s just brutal and aggressive. Tearing off my clothes like an animal. Forcing himself on me.”

“Oh,” Paige nodded. That didn’t sound so bad either. Paige had often enjoyed a little rough sex from time to time. She’d participated in stuff a lot kinkier too. Not that she was going to tell Margaret that. The short, chubby woman might collapse right there in the street. “Doesn’t sound like the Paul I know.”

“No, not at all,” Margaret agreed. “He says he doesn’t remember anything the next day, but … oh, I just don’t know what to believe. He’s like a man possessed.”

Paige only nodded. For most people “a man possessed” was a figure of speech. Given Margaret’s superstitions, however, that might be her literal diagnosis. She needed a marriage counselor, but was probably looking in the Yellow Pages under “exorcist.”

Read more on Amazon Kindle!